Uncle Excelsior is dead… As dead a super hero…

I dont know who, or what, got old Uncle Excelsior all fired up this time but he’s all yours… enjoy!

Of all the internet crap that has me steamed up right now, from a chick playing Dr. Doom to the tatted-up street thug millionaire Lex Luther, I decided to go down a different road on my rant today.  News came as as early as this time last year that there were plans to kill Wolverine both in the comics and in the upcoming DAYS OF FUTURE PAST movie.  

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And THAT got me reminiscing of all the ‘great’ comic deaths that have occurred in our comic’s of days gone by.  I think of Doomsday killing Superman and Captain America getting gunned down.  I remember Jean Grey committing suicide to save the universe.  I cringe at the thought of Joker beating Robin near to death and, then, blowing him up.  So many glorious deaths that meant so much and created SO much drama and made for great storytelling.  The only problem?  They all came back!

 This is an age-old tradition, tried and true in comics of bringing back the dead whether it makes sense or not.  Apparently there is an unwritten comic law that forbids the long term death of any character as long as there is money to be made in the comeback.  As an old school comic fanboy, you would think I would be used to this by now.  But ya know what?  I’m actually feeling a bit like that guy on NETWORK NEWS as I open my window, stick out my head and scream,

 “I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!”

 I’m feeling this way because, as I read about Marvel’s plans to kill Wolverine, I just can’t get that worked up about it.  I want to be able to say, “What a ballsy move!”  But I can’t.  Because the comic cynic in me is chuckling in the background and teasing me with “He won’t stay dead, you know!”  And I hang my head in sadness because I know the cynic is right.

I mean, I give them a year and they will regrow him from a drop of blood or regenerate him in some lab or they will clone him.  I don’t know exactly how they will do it, but, you can bet good money on it, they will do it.  If you doubt me, and I know you comic fan-boys don’t, look at what they did to so many others.  The Batman comeback was probably one of the most convoluted and insane stories I refused to read (Personally, I hit the Wiki on this one/not wasting money on that).  Point is, Bruce Wayne meandered through time till he got back just in time for a relaunch!  Poof!  Batman is Bruce Wayne again.  What’s funny is that this storyline reads like a copy of the Captain America comeback with just more action through time.  

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 Now Superman’s comeback was probably the only one I’d vouch for.

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I mean, he IS Superman and the comeback was actually entertaining.  And, oh yeah, they found Jean Grey in the Hudson in a cocoon later on realizing that she was there for her own suicide.  And God knows Professor Xavier needs to STAY DEAD, but you know he’ll be back soon.  I mean, his brain is still in the Red Skull’s….well…skull.  Does anybody else’s head hurt yet?  Cause mine sure does.

 And all of this is rolling around in my as the talking heads prattle about killing Wolverine.  So, you see my problem?  There are oh so many ways to bring Logan back.  And why not!?  He’s only the most popular comic book character ever.  I’ll tell ya why not.  All this bringing the dead back cheapens death and makes a mockery of the back issues carrying these awesome stories!  I mean, I’m not a Superman fan, but I’ve got a copy of the comic bearing his death.  It meant something.  Jean Grey sacrificing herself to save us all, meant something.  Jason Todd tragically killed leaving Batman with a scar that cannot be healed meant something.  But the comic ‘gods’ don’t see the importance of death as reality.

 REALLY?  Remember IDENTITY CRISIS #1?  Sue Dibny dies a horrific, tragic death that spins one of the best (imho) annual events in comics in a great while!  And where would Peter Parker be without the death of his Uncle Ben?   And how about Barry Allen?  His life story has been driven by death.  First his dearest Iris is killed, followed soon after by him killing Dr. Zoom.  Of course, they brought him back too.   I mean, is permanent death only for the back-story or unmasked characters? Unfortunately, it seems so.

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 So, Wolverine dies.  Great.  Don’t expect him to stay that way.  Hard to get excited about it when you know it’s all just a gimmick to get you to buy more comics.  I mean, Wolverine is like Marvel’s Superman.  He can’t die and stay dead, right?  I mean, only non-powered humans involved with superheroes die and stay dead, right?  Like Gwen….uh…yeah…let’s not hope for too much.

Well there ya have. Straight from the horses mouth. If you ask me, Uncle Excelsior will be just like those super heros… I don’t think he’ll ever die

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