The Nerd Wife Review! : 47 Ronin

Well ladies and gents, she’s back again! This time she sat down and watched the movie 47 Ronin to bring you all the reasons to watch, or avoid, this movie! She took notes and is prepared to do her best at helping you decide where to spend your money. Will this one be worth it? IMDB only gave it a 6.4/10 but I guess you will just have to read on and see! If you’ve already seen the movie, let us know if you agree or not in the comments below!

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I did not think this movie was that great. I don’t know if it was just that I didn’t understand a whole lot or maybe I had trouble hearing what they were saying due to their accents but most of the time I had no idea what was going on and who was who. I spent a lot of the movie pausing, rewinding and taking notes (which I usually don’t have to do). I feel like the action scenes could have been better too. So anyway, here is what I got from it.

The movie starts by explaining a little of ancient Japan and that a Ronin is a samurai who has dishonored his master or lord. A lord (surly by now you know I don’t know hardly anyone’s name. I tried to write it down but never really understood what they were calling him.) was walking or doing something in the woods and finds this white boy, Kai. Some of the people were convinced he was a demon but the lord decided to take this child in and raise him rather than kill him. He grows up being an outcast. His only friend is the lord’s only child, a daughter named Mika. Some time passes and there are two lords and their families and followers at this outdoor ring. Their champion samurai are going to fight and see who has the better samurai but Mika’s father’s samurai had fallen ill due to a spell cast on him by a witch. Kai decides to not let his “father” be dishonored so he tried to step in his place and fight… but he failed. The punishment for pretending to be a samurai was death but Mika stood in the way and saved him. Saved him from death but he was still beaten to hell.

A witch comes at night with this nasty spider that looks like it just poops goo in the lord’s mouth. Whatever it was makes him go crazy. He begins to think daughter is getting raped. So he runs in with his sword and almost kills some guy. (not really sure it was important who) His eyes are all flippity and weird like as the guards try to hold him back. They take him away. He is charged with horrible dishonor and death by basically the lord of lords or something like that but he said if he commits suicide he will die with dignity and family name restored. Well he tried but couldn’t do it so someone else cut his head off. The lord of lord’s guy marries Mika off to….. honestly not sure. I think the guy that was almost killed, so that there is no feud between families. Mika is given 1 year to grieve but live with him as guest until the wedding. He also is very clear that there will be no revenge. They are not to retaliate for the death of her father.  Like that’s ever stopped anyone before, wonder what’s going to happen… Mika’s new hubby doesn’t trust her dad’s… under guy… oh his samurai! so he throws him in some underground pit to break his will and make sure he doesn’t do anything.  One year later. They pull him out and dump him in the street. Oh yeah Oeshee (yes, I am aware this is more than likely not how you spell it) is his name I guess.  Kai is now running underground fighting ring with some monster thing. Well I don’t know if he was running it or if he was just fighting down there as well… anyway, Oeshee goes to get Kai to help Mika not get married to o-dude. Guess Kai doesn’t recognize him, ya know 1 year in the pit can make someone look pretty rough, Kai pulls out his sword and they fight. Eventually he comes to his senses and they stop. (anticlimactic I know, I remember the fight but don’t exactly remember how it ended…0,o Together they went looking for Oeshee’s old crew, there are 47 of them get it? Somehow Mika’s future husband heard Oeshee was out so he tells his samurai and men to find him and kill him. I guess the guy Mika is getting married to is the guy that killed her father then… that would make more sense? They keep calling Kai a halfling (halfbreed, halfree halfwei idk wtf they saying) idk guess cause he’s white not samurai. He was raised by the Tangu?  Magical people in the woods. They went back there for the first time since he ran away so long ago to try to get weapons to fight this man’s small army. Kai tells the other men to stay outside while he and Oeshee go in to get the stuff but they don’t. They don’t trust Kai. They come in and start disturbing things and upsetting the praying monks and they fight, several of the men are killed. What do you expect when you fight magical monks? Now that they have the weapons they are headed to the Lords…kingdom area or whatnot. They stop to make camp for the night and all their stuff is set on fire. Oeshee is dead. Kiera is the bad guy’s name! That’s what it is, Mika’s future husband… well anyway he thinks everyone is dead. They sneak up on him on his wedding night. They sneak in, kill people… Kai and Mika are reunited! This evil witch lady is trying to kill Kai. She turns into a ghost – Medusa-dragon thing…not quite sure I really liked it. Kiera is dead. Good ol’ samurai sword to the chest.  And they carry Kiera s head through the city everyone bows ya da yada. You know the drill. Oh and Oeshee isn’t dead… by the way. I don’t who that was. I’ve been trying to figure it out and cant. Awesome. They meet back up with the lord of lord’s dude and he said that although they have regained honor by killing the bad guy they still disobeyed him so everyone is sentenced to death. But they are granted samurai death with honor. This was a big deal to Kai because he wasn’t a samurai. Oh and Oeshees son got to live so the blood line could go on… the end.

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Like I said, I didn’t really like this movie. I give it like a 4. It wasn’t terrible (from what I understood anyway…) but it wasn’t good either.

Well, I hope you guys got something out of that, even if it was just a laugh. Enjoy the movie or skip out on it. There are tons of other movies out there but if you get the chance, Redbox is always an option. Till next week guys! Have a great week!

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” lang=”en”><p>A giant monster was minding its business then the samurai annoyed it &amp; now people've died. No wonder there aren't any more samurai. <a href=”https://twitter.com/search?q=%2347Ronin&amp;src=hash”>#47Ronin</a></p>&mdash; Gladys Balakrishnan (@mycrotchetyluv) <a href=”https://twitter.com/mycrotchetyluv/statuses/448924005743865857″>March 26, 2014</a></blockquote>

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2 responses to “The Nerd Wife Review! : 47 Ronin

  1. Wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever seen in theaters when I did in fact see it. However, it was a bit too dull for its own good and never really got to be so crazy and over-the-top, it was awesome. It was just serious. Good review.

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